This story is not for the faint at heart. Some grossness follows…

It started out as a normal monday. I was running late, just brewed some coffee (which I had given up for Lent and was SERIOUSLY looking forward to it), and tossed lunch in my backpack. I went to get an Allegra pill because my allergies have kicked up lately. I tried to swallow it…

AND THE PILL GOT STUCK.

The pill got stuck in my throat, or more accurately, my esophaugus. Fortunately, it wasn’t near my trachea and affecting my breathing. It would neither come up, or finish going down. And thus began about an hour of semi-gagging, semi-vomiting, semi-wretching trying to get this pill to pick somewhere and go there. To say, this was “uncomfortable” would be like saying “the economy ain’t that bad”. I couldn’t even swallow water or anything else to wash it down, as it seems like the pill had judged itself squarely in the center and essentially acted like a stopper. So if I drank a bit of water, it would hit the pill and stop, then I’d gag and immediately send it back up. Pill would stay put though.

This lasted the better part of the day. Every few minutes, I’d have to go spit up in the sink. All the saliva I’d swallowed over the last few minutes had “pooled” above the pill and I’d have to cough/hack it up. My mom suggested I try drinking some olive oil to lubricate the pill. So yes, I was so desperate that I actually tried to drink pure olive oil. Disgusting. And ineffective. It came right back up like the water did, only a lot… greasier.

Finally, the old lady decided to drive over and take me to the local clinic. Now, I realize I’m not actually “sick” in the normal sense of the word. And there are probably actual sick people who go there all the time. When we arrived, there were two people i the waiting room. And I show up with my spit-cup as if I were chewing tobacco (really, really gross. How do people do that?). Anyway, I step outside while the old lady is filling out my paperwork so I can go gag/hack/cough/spit-up the accumulated saliva from my throat and then walk back in. The woman in the waiting area looks at me in horror and holds a magazine in front of her face. After a few seconds, during which I assume she was debating her next course of action, she get up and heads outside to wait in the car. I guess she thought I had some cummunicable disease instead of a stupid allergy pill stuck in my throat and thought she’d be safer outside. Funny. And the only bright spot of the day.

When I finaly get to the doctor, the old lady tells my story since I can’t talk much. He’s actually befuddled. “I’ve never come across something like this” he says. Great.

So he says my options are go to the ER and they will probably do an endoscopy (spelling?) to push the pill down into my stomach. Or I can wait for it to disolve. He has no idea how long that might be. Especially since it is apparently lodged in the center and not stuck to the sides of the esophagus. Meaning the only part that saliva was dripping on was the top, not the top and sides if it was stuck to the sides. So it would take longer to disolve. As an alternative, he says I can try standing/laying down in different positions to see if it would unseat itself. He had me lie down and he gave me a stomach “massage” trying to see if maybe moving the stomach around a bit might move it also.

Well, I don’t know if it was the laying down, or the stomach massage, or just simply it had disolved enough, but i could finally swallow! No more gagging/hacking/spitting!

This was around 3pm. So for almost eight hours, i had that stupid pill lodged. I am now so relieved I can’t even describe it. I’ve only been drinking liquids so far, I might try some solid foods later if I’m feeling brave. The throat lining is feeling pretty sore.

I sure hope all of you had a better day than I did…